Friday, February 22, 2013

The Curious Case of Ameesha Patel

I hope no one is having any kind of misconception about me being a die hard fan of this particular creature called 'Ameesha Patel.' The only reason, I thought of dedicating this blog to her, is because of her curious and confused existence of a living organism, exactly not knowing in which category to put her....A human? An animal? An insect? Or some long lost specie which the scientists are also not curious to find? 100 Rs to anyone who would tell me what is she - an actress, a socialite, a diva, a style icon, an item girl, a page 3 participant, an economist (do not raise your eyebrows, plss) or just someone whose practically everywhere but doesn't really know where ? Lets dig into it and find out...shall we? Or we can at least hope to do so...
          So she gracefully appeared in this world on 9th June 1975, in a small family of mommy daddy and brother (of course the Super dude Ashmit Patel), who later were sued by her, claiming that her mommy and daddy most graciously has sucked down all her hard earned money, and she briskly demanded 120 million Rs. Yes..!! So far,  you have always witnessed this in  american sitcoms, but dear...It happens also in India !! Before plunging into Miss Patel, lets spend some time talking about The Mr. Patel (I can't help myself). Ashmit Patel is probably the most useless star I have ever seen and won't be wrong in saying that he is so much more useless...so much more useless...and useless.... that god probably thought why, how, when????? The guy can't act, the guy can't speak,the guy can't live and probably can't even shit. We shall just put him in one corner, because frankly speaking it is just not us who can decipher him. His only claim to fame is a certain film called 'Murder' with Mallika Shrawat and more so a sex video with another shit called Riya Sen. So you can say 'the shits' have this unique common radar system by which they attract everyone within their sphere. Even that video could not save him as it was just so pathetic and gross. Porn lovers won't even appreciate it And years after that he appears in Bigg Boss 5 mushing with Veena Mallick which gave him the tittle 'Super Stud' that he dared to host a show by the same name, giving tips to people more like him on...wait.... how to flirt...! Yes that is his career graph, and people like him are celebrity in India.
            Okkk...we are diverting from the main point. Yes, Miss Patel again. The only good thing about her is probably her Economics degree and her supposed gold medal in that. At first when you hear this and then see her in the bubbly bubble gum image in 'Kaho na Pyar Hai,' (KNPH) your heart surely melts. But after few debauches and  pronouncing yourself as the next big sex symbol, not a good idea, according to me. Especially when neither KNPH nor Gadar are films that can be called 'her' films only. And what is this Filmfare Special Performance Awards ??? I mean why on earth a mainstream Bollywood film actor would agree to accept an award such as this and not compete in the main category for the Best Actor (female)? Well apparently you do, and that's what she did in 2002 for Gadar. And after that...gone, vanished, vanquished, disappear. She did starred in more movies, one with Hritik Roshan (which am sure none of us would like to remember, not for her but for him) which could have saved her sinking career....but then...! And wooow what an optimist this chick turns out to be...she says, as I quote..."I have never left the industry and there is no comeback for me. Comebacks are for people who got married or had kids...I am right here, right now." Dear girl, surely you are here, but not in films, but of course in baby showers or page 3 parties or marriage ceremonies and being absolutely no one. Do you think that, this is 'being in the scene' ? If yess, then Uday Chopra is the president of India. At least he is dating  Nargis Fakhri (oh god! don't even make me start on that). I had the audacity of flipping through the pages of Filmfare and there she was, wearing the most shocking pink color, with golden hair, baring everything that can be bared (use your imagination) organizing Manyata Dutt's baby shower. Yes, apparently she was quite good at it. No, please do not try to remember the names of her films after Gadar, because even if I offer you a dinner at the Ibitza you won't be able to. But there is always Google and Me of course...! So lets see...ummm...Yeh Zindagi ka Safar...??? or Ankahee ?? or Humraaz??? or Suno Sasurji ??? or Yeh hai Jalwa ???? or Mere Jeevan Sathi ???? or Teesri Aankh ??? or Aapki Khatir ??? Noo...oh common...I know what will ring the bell. Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd, Mangal Pandey, Bhool Bhulaiya. I am not even counting the guest appearances and her blink - miss roles. The  above ones - if you have watched them in cinema halls...my sympathies...the ones below...if you have watched them in cinema halls... well you know it was not for her at least.
             Its not like I am judging here. I mean who hell really I am to do so. But I feel pity when we attribute the status of celebrity to people like her and ignore the bunch who are celebrities in the truest sense of the term. Fine, she got a gold medal in economics and fine she is not all that ugly, but what is she doing with that? How well is she utilizing her status? I mean doesn't she really feel bored and worthless at the end of the day? I mean isn't it sort of an insult for her to just pose in front of the camera without any motive? Yes, motive, a strong word...does she have one in her life? I mean what sort of role is she playing...? Race 2....Cherry? Really? And thats what it takes to be in Bollywood? I mean Nargis Fakhri had better expressions than her..and sexy?? nnoo that's what you call being a bimbo!
              Miss Patel, either do something substantial or ppplzzz spare us...we wanna breath. We promise to remember you as the girl with the pink skirt in KNPH and thats all...if you really wanna stick around, try finding a good director or an acting school...coz you are just forcing us to judge you..!